Swords For Hire
by Doc Shinryuu
Summary: A Final Fantasy Tactics Fanfic Series: Swords For Hire. It chronicles what happens to the characters you send on Propositions in Final Fantasy Tactics. .:!CHAPTER 6: CHALLENGE OF ZERO COMPLETE!:.
1. Get to Know the Heroes

A quick(yeah, right) explanation of "Swords For Hire," by Doc Shinryuu:  
  
My fanfic (series, eventually), "Swords For Hire," is on the subject of what happens to three of my Final Fantasy Tactics party members when on Propositions. A brief description of each is below. BTW: A * means their Job Class is mastered, a ** means that the Action skills for their Job Class are mastered, and a *** means only the hit-to-acquire action skill is missing.  
  
Character 1:  
Name: Silphy  
Job Class: Ninja*  
2nd Action: Steal**  
Reaction: A Save  
Support: Concentrate  
Movement: Fly  
Equipment/Effects:  
-Weapon: Sasuke Knife x2: Evade +30%  
-Head: Thief Hat: Speed +2  
-Body: Black Costume: Anti-Stop  
-Accessory: Germinas Boots: Move +1, Jump +1  
Other proficient Classes: Dancer*, Archer Lv. 4, Lancer Lv. 7, Squire*  
Personality: A flamboyant tomboy, Silphy's tendency to dash headfirst into situations often  
gets her into trouble. However, her strength and agility often gets her back out.  
  
Character 2:  
Name: Stanley  
Job Class: Wizard**  
2nd Action: Summon***  
Reaction: Regenerator  
Support: Magic Attack UP  
Movement: Move-HP Up  
Equipment/Effects:  
-Weapon: Wizard Rod: Evade +20%, Magic Power +2  
-Head: Flash Hat: Magic Power +1, Speed +1  
-Body: Robe Of Lords: Physical Power +2, Magic Power +1, Auto-Protect  
-Accessory: 108 Gems: Anti-Zombie, Anti-Blood Suck, Anti-Frog, Anti-Poison, All Elemental Power  
Up  
Other proficient Classes: Priest*, Time Mage Lv. 4, Oracle Lv. 4, Calculator**  
Personality: Sneaky and mischievous, Stanley loves playing practical jokes. No one knows if this  
will come in handy at all, though.  
  
Character 3:  
Name: Melissa  
Job Class: Priest**  
2nd Action: Jump**  
Reaction: Dragon Spirit  
Support: Equip Spear  
Movement: Float  
Equipment/Effects:  
-Weapon: Holy Lance: Evade +10%, Casts Holy  
-Head: Flash Hat: Magic Power +1, Speed +1  
-Body: Robe Of Lords: Physical Power +2, Magic Power +1, Auto-Protect  
-Accessory: 108 Gems: Anti-Zombie, Anti-Blood Suck, Anti-Frog, Anti-Poison, All Elemental Power  
Up  
Other proficient Classes: Wizard**, Time Mage Lv. 4, Oracle Lv. 4, Calculator**, Lancer Lv. 8,  
Mediator**  
Personality: Prim and proper, Melissa excels in polite negotiation. She often gets into heated  
arguments with Stanley over who's the better Calculator. 


	2. Will of Elder Topa

Swords For Hire: Will of Elder Topa  
  
"All right," shouted Ramza to his small, rather tired, army, "We'll be pulling into Goland Coal City tonight. We've been on a long journey so far..."  
He paused for effect,  
"...So we'll take tomorrow to rest."   
After less than a second's pause, the entire army went into an uproar. Even the Chocobos seemed to be cheering.  
"I'll be at the bar if any of you need me." Ramza tried to shout over the din.  
The caravan sped up so quickly, one would think someone cast a big Haste2 on all of them.  
  
----------  
  
"Man..." said a Wizard sitting at a Goland bar, "What a day! All rest, relaxation, and fun!"  
"I don't know what YOU call fun, Stanley," responded a Priest sitting next to him, "but I agree, it certainly was a nice day."  
"That's a BIG understatement, Melissa." Said a Ninja on the other side of Stanley, "Something seems missing, though..."  
"Maybe it's CASH, Silphy." Stanley said to the Ninja.  
Oh perfect, here we go... Melissa thought.  
"All we need to do is think up the perfect scheme to-"  
"Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear that you need some money." The Barkeep interrupted, "An old miner by the name of Topa died recently. A section of his Will said that he wanted a hidden mine shaft he found excavated. Nobody living knows what's in there. If you three want to go there, I can get you a map..."  
Stanley quickly jumped up from his seat, "How much do you want!?" He shouted.  
"8,000 Gil for the map and equipment."  
"WHAT!? YOU'RE KIDDING ME!!!"  
"No, but think of the value what you could find there. There could be an unknown metal there. There could be hidden ruins of a long-dead civilization. Who knows!" The barkeep said in a mysterious tone of voice.  
"Hmmm... I don't know." Stanley muttered, "Hey, Ramza!" Ramza, sitting at a nearby table turned to listen, "Do we have 8,000 Gil handy?"  
"Hold on." Ramza checked the pockets on his armor, walked out of the bar and, a few minutes later, walked back in with a large bag of Gil. Then, he took out a notepad and muttered as he wrote, "Note to self: Always carry at least 8,000 gil with you at all times."  
  
----------  
  
"Well, here we are." Said Silphy, peering into a dark cave in front of her, "The darkest coal mine in Ivalice."  
"So, are we going in?" Stanley asked.  
"It's frightening. We don't know what's in there." Melissa said with a slight shiver, "This shaft's been abandoned for so long, who knows what monsters could be in there!"  
"Melissa," Stanley said, "Did you notice that there were NO monsters on the way up here?"  
"Yes."  
"There you go. No monsters out here, no monsters in there."  
"They could ALL be in there!"  
"If you can name all the monsters that could be in there, I'll admit that you're right"  
"There could be Ghouls, Behemoths, Dragons-"  
"Okay, so you studied the Encyclopedia Bestiaria. So what. We're going in anyway, right Silphy?"  
Silphy was already far ahead of them.  
"H-hey! Wait up!" Stanley shouted after her.  
"W-wait! Don't leave me out here alone!" Melissa yelled.  
  
----------  
  
Deep in the abandoned mine shaft, Stanley, Silphy, and Melissa...  
  
...ARE COMPLETELY LOST!  
  
"WHERE ARE WE!?" Silphy shouted.  
"If I knew, I'd tell you." Stanley said calmly.  
"We're lost, aren't we?" Said Melissa  
"WE'RE NOT LOST!" Stanley yelled, "We just don't know where we are on the map."  
Just as Stanley finished his sentence, the trio came face to face with a dead end.  
"Oh really." Melissa muttered.  
"Wha? I followed the barkeep's directions exactly..." Stanley said under his breath.  
"Hm? It looks like there's some sort of markings here. Looks like an arrow."  
Stanley's attention snapped toward Silphy. "Where's it pointing?" He shouted frantically.  
Silphy pointed to a slight indent in the wall. "Right over there." She said. Before she finished, Stanley was already there.  
"I'm supposed to cast a fire spell in THERE?" Stanley said, "I'm not that accurate!"  
"Ahem," Melissa cleared her throat, "Just WHERE did you get all this information?"  
"Umm..." Stanley faltered, "The barkeep told me. He said he inspects all his propositions before putting them to the public."  
Melissa sighed, "All right, I'll believe you for now."  
"Thank you." Stanley said, "Silphy, can you throw a Fire Ball in that hole?"  
"I'm way ahead of you, Stanley!" Silphy said as she was winding up.  
The Fire Ball went right in, and the wall dropped down, revealing a huge chunk of ore. Everyone was speechless. It was the biggest ore chunk they'd ever seen.  
Stanley ran up and hugged it, "WAHOO!!! This thing must be worth MILLIONS!!!"  
"And how," Melissa said skeptically, "Are we supposed to get this out of here?"  
"This." Said Stanley, taking out a small cylinder.  
"And that is..."  
"A Spatial Compression Capsule. Mustadio made it for just such an occasion."  
"Ugh, that Mustadio..."  
  
----------  
  
"IT'S ONLY WORTH HOW MUCH?!?!"  
"8,005 Gil." The appraiser said.  
"THAT'S A RIPOFF!!!" Stanley shouted.  
"Sorry, that's what it's worth."  
"Okay, just give me the money."  
Stanley walked out of the appraisal office with a bag of money in hand.  
"So?" Silphy said, "How much?"  
"8,005"  
"WHAT!?" Silphy and Melissa shouted in unison.  
"Well, at least one thing went right." Stanley said  
"Like what?" Silphy said. Melissa would've beat her to it, but she was on the ground, crying things to the effect of "And after all that work, too!"  
"At least we made a profit." 


	3. Master Math

Swords for Hire: Master Math  
  
--------------------  
  
"Ahhh, it's good to be back at the ol' campus, eh?" Said Stanley cheerily.  
"Yes, it certainly is." Melissa responded, "Maybe we'll meet up with some old freinds."  
"I don't know about you two," Silphy said with a shudder, "But this place brings back some bad memories for me."  
Ramza's army was taking a rest a Magic City Gariland, and our Not-So-Dynamic Trio has returned to their old Job-Class College to see how it had changed.  
"Well, let's take a look around." Stanley said  
As they were about to enter, a heavy hand came down on Melissa's shoulder.  
"Well, well. If it isn't good ol' crybaby."  
A wide range of panic expressions raced across Melissa's face, but she quickly regained her composure.  
"Hello, T.J." Melissa said, calmly, "You're still a Freshman, I see."  
"Hey! I'm a Sophomore for your information!" T.J. Shouted  
"You're going to be unconscious, if you aren't careful." Melissa retorted, shooting a glare in T.J.'s direction.  
"We'll see who's unconscious in a minute. Take this!" T.J. said, throwing a punch at Melissa.  
WHOOSHTHWAPWHOP!!(yes, this is a working sound effect)  
Melissa ducked T.J.'s punch, tripped him with her spear, and hit him in the stomach with the spearbutt in rapid succession.  
"Wow." Silphy said. Stanley would've said the same thing, but he was intently looking at a bulletin board.  
"Let's move on." Melissa said  
"Hey, look at this!" Stanley said, "We've arrived just in time for the Math Master Contest! This is the perfect way to prove who's the better Calculator!"  
"We don't need to. We both know," Melissa said, "That I would beat you with Silence cast on me."  
"We'll see about that!" Stanley shouted.  
"Umm, guys?" Silphy said, breaking up an impending fight, "I've got good news, better news and bad news."  
"Do tell." Melissa said.  
"The good news is that the entry fee is only 50 Gil."  
"Wow. Even we could afford that!" Stanley said.  
"The better news is that the prize money is 25,000 Gil"  
Even Melissa's jaw dropped at this.  
"The bad news is that it's in teams. Two players, one representative."  
"WHAT!?!?!?" Stanley and Melissa chorused.  
  
--------------------  
  
"WELCOME TO THE MATH MASTER TOURNAMENT!!!" The all-too-peppy announcer yelled. "Today, three teams of two will compete for the title of Master Math!!! Let's welcome our teams!"  
The stadium being used was packed with people. All of them, rather than to see who's the best at math, were there to see who gets humiliated first. The teams were going to be introduced one by one.  
Stanley and Melissa walked out onto their team podium.  
"First, let's welcome a pair of graduates returning for this tournament only! Say hello to... TEAM DUOMAGE!!!"  
Most of the crowd cheered, most of the crowd who recognized them, anyway.  
A Thief and and a Bard walked out onto their podium.  
"Here is a duo of freshmen, known for their looks rather than their intelligence. Trust me, looks alone won't get you ANYWHERE here. Welcome... TEAM STAR!!!"  
The only thing that could be heard was a cricket chirping.  
"Ahem, anyway..."  
The manalights dimmed.  
"And now... our previous champions shall return... Our next hope for a Math Master trophy... Our-"  
"GET ON WITH IT, ALREADY!!!" Someone in the crowd interrupted.  
A manaspotlight came down on the remaining team podium.  
"Lets give a warm welcome to..."  
With the sound of ten thousand people yelling "whop" at the same time, a Calculator and a Summoner teleported in.  
"...TEAM CHAMPION!!!" The announcer shouted.  
The entire crowd cheered.(I'll bet you didn't see that coming) Stanley mumbled something having to do with them spending all the prize money on special effects. Silphy yelled something to Stanley and Melissa, but it couldn't be heard over the crowd.  
"Anyway, now that everyone's here, let's begin!" The announcer yelled, "First question..."  
  
(To save all you readers some boredom, I'm going to skip to the final round)  
  
--------------------  
  
"One hundred thirty five!" Melissa shouted.  
"That is correct!" The announcer shouted. "That brings Team Duomage and Team Champion into a tie for the final round, and, having the lowest score today of ZERO POINTS, Team Star has been disqualified."  
With that, Team Star was dragged away by two security personnel.  
"And now, the final round has come. Three questions will determine who will win. As of now, we have a tie, so the first to answer two questions correct wins. Here's the first question."  
A few people in the crowd told some other people in the crowd to shut up.  
"What is: 5x72-3x2Ö6+3?  
...BZZZ  
"Team Champion?"  
"Three hundred sixty two!" The Summoner said.  
"That's right!" The announcer shouted in response. "Next, what is: The square root of (84x[4-1]x7)?"  
...BZZZ  
"Team Duomage?"  
"Forty two!" Stanley and Melissa shouted in unison.  
"That's correct! Now, the last question. What is..."  
The Announcer needed a moment to comprehend the sheer math of it all.  
"...5x4x16x9x0x4x6?"  
...BZZZ  
"Team Duomage?"  
"Sixty nine thousand one hundred twenty!" Stanley yelled.  
"Oooh, sorry, that's incorrect. Team Champion, if you can answer this correctly, you win."  
"Zero."  
"THAT'S RIGHT!!!" The announcer shouted, "YOU WIN!!!"  
Stanley boggled, Melissa cried, Silphy both boggled and cried, the Calculator and the Summoner congratulated each other, and the crowd cheered.  
As Team Champion was carried off by a crowd of people, Silphy walked over to say something to Stanley and Melissa.  
"Well, at least we know who the better calculator is." Silphy said with a reassuring tone.  
"Who!?" Stanley said. Melissa was still crying.  
"They are." 


	4. Trap of the Bandits

Hey all! Doc Shinryuu here. I'm back after a long absence. I haven't updated Swords For Hire in a while because my FFT Data got erased, so I had to start over. But I'm back now, so let the Fic continue!  
  
--------------------  
  
Swords For Hire: Trap of the Bandits  
  
By Doc Shinryuu  
  
--------------------  
  
"Ugh... That Math Master tournament was brutal!"  
"Yeah, we know, Melissa. We were there." Stanley said through a mug of rather watery beer. "Geez. The beer wasn't this watered-down when we were here before the tournament. Hey, bartender. What's up with the beer?"  
"Sorry, This stuff's the best beer we have since the monster attacks." The bartender responded.  
"Attacks? What attacks?" Melissa asked.  
"I might know something... If my wallet becomes a bit heavier..." The bartender said, implying payment.  
"Alright, cut to the chase. How much do you want? Stanley said, implying a possible lack of it.  
In case you're wondering why Silphy hasn't said anything for a while, she's been a bit preoccupied. In other words, she was watching some guy in a business outfit drowning his troubles with a drink. At about that time, Stanley finished "negotiating" with the bartender on a price to his info.  
"ACCEPT 600 GIL OR I'LL RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT!!!" Stanley yelled.  
"Okay, okay! 600 gil it is!"  
"Uh... Stanley?" Melissa said, "If you're going to threaten him, at least take the info for free."  
"Hey. I'm vicious, not evil." Stanley responed.  
"Alright." The bartender began, "You've all heard of the Vaccas Brewery, right? Well, their carts of their 'Vaccas Liquor' are being attacked by a group of monsters led by a powerful monster, calling itself 'Demon Lylis'. Apparently, the monsters are attracted by the smell of the stuff and will attack the cart, even if the cargo is dumped. Vaccas Brewery is planning on hiring someone to defeat Lylis and disband it's group. To apply, you need to contact the president of Vaccas Brewery, but nobody's seen him lately."  
"Say, bartender. Who's that guy over there?" Silphy (finally) said.  
"Whaddya know! That's him!" the bartender responded.  
By the time he finished, Stanley was already talking to the brewery president on the attacks.  
  
--------------------  
  
As the cart trundled along, filled with it's cargo of Vaccas Liquor, three passengers prepared for battle as the driver shifted nervously.  
"Okay g-guys," the driver stuttered, "th-the area w-w-where th-the attacks usually h-happen is c-c-coming up, so g-g-get r-ready."  
"Believe me," Silphy responded, "we're ready."  
As the cart rounded a corner there were four Black Goblins and another monster standing in the road. Seeing them, the driver turned around.  
"Th-there they are! G-g-get 'em!" the driver shouted.  
As the cart slowed to a stop, Stanley, Melissa, and Silphy hopped out and ran ahead of it, skidded to a stop, and stared in half-terror.  
"You've gotta be kidding me..." Silphy muttered.  
"It... It can't be!" Melissa whispered.  
"Sweet Ajora... Lylis is an Archaic Demon!?" Stanley said.  
Sure enough, the great Lylis was one of the most feared creatures in Ivalice, one spawned from the bowels of... oh, nevermind.  
"Melissa, you'd better start jumping." Silphy said.  
"I'm far ahead of you, Silphy." Said a Melissa-ish voice in her mind.  
"Silphy, cover me. I'm going to take out the Black Goblins." Stanley said before charging a Bolt 4.  
"Got it!" She said, throwing a Yagyu Darkness at Lylis to weaken it for Melissa's attack.  
As the group of monsters charged toward the cart, Stanley's Bolt 4 released, killing off 3 of the Black Goblins, leaving one critical, and singeing Lylis.  
Silphy quickly threw another Yagyu Darkness at the remaining Goblin, leaving Lylis charging alone.  
"This looks like a job for Cyclops!" Said Stanley, preparing a summon.  
At that moment, Lylis got into attack range of Silphy and began charging a spell, probably Dark Holy, considering the black symbols swirling around it. About a second later, Melissa came down from her jump, impaling Lylis and releasing an explosion of Holy magic.  
"Perfect timing Melissa!" Silphy shouted.  
"Yeah." Stanley said, "Now we can go collect our pay! Besides, we've earned some rest."  
"Indeed." Melissa responded, climbing into the cart.  
With that, the cart, cargo and all, rode off into the distance.  
  
As the cart went out of sight over the horizon, a magic circle appeared on the ground, and out popped Cyclops.  
"Someone called?" Cyclops said, "...Meh. This has happened before. I'm summoned, but the battle's over by the time I get here."  
  
END  
  
--------------------  
  
Author's Note: Ahh... Nobody respects the summons, do they. Apparently, Stanley's a distant relative of Locke of FF6. That's it for now. My next one may be delayed. School's starting soon  
  
See ya next time,  
Doc Shinryuu 


	5. The Ringing of the Bell

Hey all. Doc Shinryuu here. *sigh* It's been a while since my last installment of Swords for Hire. I'm making a few changes, plus, some cameos. You'll see...  
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Swords for Hire: Ringing of the Bell  
  
"Geez, what's taking Melissa so long?" Stanley muttered.  
Stanley and Silphy were sitting at the bar in the Igros town. Stanley was sipping his beer rather angrily, while Silphy sat to his left, almost too cheerful. "Don't worry, Stan. She should be back soon." She said, putting an arm around Stanley's shoulder.   
As if on cue, Melissa walked in, carrying a bag over her shoulder, and sat down on Stanley's other side. "Hello Stanley." She said, smiling.  
Silphy took another swig of beer. "Hey!" she slurred, "Don'choo furget abowt me!"  
"Hello Silphy." Melissa said, leaning away from her. "Drunk as ever, I see."  
"Yah, whutev'r." Silphy slurred further. "Bartend'r! 'Nother beer!"  
Melissa turned away from Silphy, right toward a seedy looking drunk. He was wearing a tanned leather vest with a belt hanging down off of his neck, a few shotgun canisters attached to it. He wore a tanned leather poncho in his belt, hanging down below his knees. He wore blue denim jeans with worn, black boots. His long, brown hair was in two braids with a tanned lea- I mean, cloth headband. He was quite obviously drunk. "Hey there, pretty lady." He said. "What's your name?"  
Melissa was appalled by two things: his behavior, and his breath, which stank of cheap whiskey. "Umm... I'm Melissa."  
"That's a pretty name. Whaddya say we... Y'know..." The drunk said, leaning in close to Melissa.  
Too close.  
Melissa's hand shot like lightning to the bag she brought in. She pulled something large out -seen only as a blur for now- and smashed the drunk in the side, just below the ribs. He froze, a look of complete pain on his face. The something Melissa pulled out was revealed to be a large iron mallet. He fell over on his side, still frozen.  
A green-haired man wearing glasses and a red cloak looked at him and shook his head. Then, he looked up at Melissa. "Hello, Melissa, my name is Clive Winslett." He said. "I apologize for my freind, Gallows Caradine's behavior. He gets like this when he's had too much." With that, Clive picked Gallows up, put him in a nearby chair, and returned to his beer.  
When Melissa turned back to the rest of the trio, Stanley had moved to Silphy's other side, so as to avoid Melissa's rage. Seeing that Melissa was done, Stanley moved back to his seat. "So, that's what was in that bag." He said.  
"Oh! Yes, that reminds me. I got something for you and Silphy as well." Melissa reached into her bag and pulled out a knife and a ribbon.  
"That ribbon better not be for me." Stanley said.  
"No! It's for Silphy... Who is unconscious..."  
"Oh. Then, the knife!" Stanley picked the knife up. "Any enchantments?"  
"It's a +2 Knife of Severe Pain."  
"WHEEEEE!!!"  
"Something... else... caught my eye, but I didn't have enough money."  
"Well then, we'll have to get some. Bartender!"  
The bartender walked up, trying to avoid being noticed by Silphy. "What can I do for you?"  
"Any jobs open?" Stanley asked.  
"Well, the Lakam Trade Company needs a cart guarded. It seems to be attacked often and they need it protected. They're willing to pay a lot of money for a full success."  
"Any fees?" Stanley asked.  
"Just 2000 Gil."  
"...I guess that's reasonable." Stanley muttered.  
"As opposed to our other jobs." Melissa added.  
Stanley tossed the money onto the bar, and the Bartender told them all he needed to know.  
--------------------  
The covered cart trundled along the mountain road. Our heroes were sitting on the sides of it, watching for monsters. "Hey... Umm... Sorry, what was your name again?" Silphy asked the driver.  
The driver was a well-built young man wearing red armor, red boots, and red gauntlets, with, yes, blazing RED hair. "Fighter's the name." He said.  
"Okay, then. Fighter, how much longer do you think this'll take? Ramza wants us back by nightfall, and the sun's starting to set."  
"Well," Fighter said, "I reccomended that we take a shortcut, but Stanley here didn't like the look of it, so we're taking the long way."  
"Hey, don't blame this on me." Stanley said, "There was an aura of mana down that path. That means the monsters there use magic!"  
"Mana? Oh, that was probably the manalights. The canopy gets pretty thick in there. Besides, I've walked through that path millions of times, and I haven't been attacked once."  
"Yeah, but YOU walked. We're taking the attract-o-cart. We've already stopped 15 monsters."  
"What IS in this cart, anyway?" Melissa asked.  
"Dunno. I wasn't told, exactly. The President said something about documents-"  
"The President?" Silphy asked.  
"Yeah. The President of Lakam Trading, Jose Narman."  
A shower of pebbles came down on the cart briefly.  
"That can't be right." Stanley muttered. "A company President wouldn't come down just to tell someone there's documents in the cart..."  
A larger shower of pebbles came down, accompanied this time by a low rumbling.  
"Did you guys hear that?" Silphy asked.  
The cart rounded a bend to reveal the source of the rumbling.  
Behemoth.  
Within seconds, Stanley, Silphy, and Melissa were ready for battle.  
"What's a Behemoth doing here!?" Melissa yelled.  
"That's no ordinary Behemoth!" Silphy shouted, "That's a King Behemoth!"  
The King Behemoth seemed to notice something about the cart and inhaled deeply.  
"Oh, MAN!!" Stanley shouted frantically, "Get down!!!"  
Stanley and the rest dove behind a boulder on the side of the road as the King Behemoth released it's trademark Hurricane attack. It blasted forward and away from the mountain. Then, the King Behemoth looked around for the trio. When the King Behemoth had turned around, Melissa hopped up on the boulder. "Pure light, shine on bloody impurity! HOLY!"  
A flash of white light pierced the King Behemoth, only causing it to get angrier.  
Melissa's eyes widened as she stepped back and fell off the boulder. Stanley jumped up to replace her, orbs of mystic flame rotating around him. "Summon! Cyclops!"  
A magic pentagram materialized on the ground, and the giant creature known only as Cyclops rose from it.  
"FROZEN FLARE!!!"  
A plane of burning ice crashed across the ground, piercing the King Behemoth through various vital organs. It fell to the ground, as dead as... Well, a King Behemoth corpse.  
"MAHAHAHAHAAA!!! Yes! The power of the Summoner claims victory over another pitiful creature!" Stanley shouted.  
However, he was the only one listening. Silphy and Melissa were investigating the tilted cart. A white powder was strewn about on the ground, the most piled within the cart.   
"What is this stuff?" Melissa asked.  
Silphy took a close look at it and responded, "It looks like finely ground Cocaine."  
"You should know." Stanley said, walking up, "Remember the 'College Phys. Ed. Incident'?"  
"I'll have you know that that was the only time. What YOU heard was all rumors and suspiscion." Silphy said indignantly.  
"Okay, I'm just kidding."  
Fighter was just coming to now. "Oog. What happe- WHAT THE!?"  
From Fighter's point of view, the cart was destroyed, the unusually powdered cargo was everywhere, and the chocobo was grazing a short distance away. "What's going on? Last I remember I was watching you three fight a King Behemoth when-"  
"Hurricane attack." Melissa said, getting up.  
"A-and the cargo?"  
"Drugs, not Documents." Silphy said, getting up as well.  
"Well? What're we gonna do?"  
"I'll ride the chocobo to the Lakam building to... ask around. Silphy, Stanley, Fighter. You stay here and keep any other monsters away." Melissa said.  
"Sounds fine to me." Silphy said, glancing deviously at the King Behemoth's body, which was successfully remaining dead.  
"Whatever you have planned, I want no part in it." Stanley said, taking a step back from Silphy.  
Melissa walked over to the chocobo, got on it, and rode off down the path.  
About an hour later, Melissa returned. The King Behemoth was skinned, and the pelt was expertly folded next to the cart.  
"Hey, Melissa. How'd gathering info go?" Silphy asked.  
"The President is gone. he left about when the cart tipped over. I..." Melissa shifted her hammer from her belt to within her mage robe. "Persuaded the rest to look for him. I also... liberated... this sword." Melissa said, taking a beautifully crafted sword from her robe.  
"Ooo. A sword. I like swords." Fighter said.  
The trio could only stare at him. "What?" he said, "I do."  
"...Anyway," Melissa said, "it's a replica of the Excalibur."  
"Hey! Maybe we could-" Stanley began, but stopped. "Nah. Too many flaws to be passed as the real thing."  
"C'mon. The pelt should be enough to get what Melissa had seen back in Igros." Silphy said "Say, what was it, anyway?"  
Melissa thought for a moment. "Now, you have to promise not to laugh." She said.  
"We promise." Stanley and Silphy chorused.  
"It was called 'The +42 Paper Folding Fan of Grievous Bodily Harm'. The shopkeep tested it on a dummy, which exploded."  
Silphy, Stanley, and Fighter couldn't help laughing. Even the chocobo seemed to chuckle. Eventually, Melissa gave in and began laughing as well.  
--------------------  
The next day, back at the bar...  
Melissa walked in holding a bag. She sat down next to Stanley, heard Silphy's drunken blather, and turned away.  
There was Gallows again. Drunk.  
As he began talking, Melissa's hand shot to the bag, pulled something out, and hit Gallows with it, again in the kidney. This time, however, he went flying over the bar, through the wall, and out the back door. Melissa rested the something on her shoulder. Stanley could only stare at it.  
It was a large paper folding fan, with strange runes inscribed on it...  
--------------------  
Gallows Caradine, Clive Winslett, and all related characters Copyright of Sony Computer Entertainment America.  
Fighter, Igros, Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy Tactics, And all related characters/locations Copyright of Squaresoft... Or SquareEnix now...  
Stanley, Silphy, Melissa, and The +42 Paper Folding Fan of Grievous Bodily Harm Intellectual Property of Will Kusleika(don't bother pronouncing that). Any use without permission will invoke Prosecution and/or Flaming.  
Special Thanks to Weiila for her support and Kenji Kotaro for his Proposition List. ^^;  
Next episode: Who knows... 


	6. Challenge of Zero: Zero Saga 1

Hey all. Doc Shinryuu here. Yeah, I know. It's been a long time since my last Swords for Hire. I've made up for it, though. This is my longest SFH yet! Well, enjoy, and try to notice the cameos.  
----------------------------------------  
Swords for Hire: Challenge of Zero  
  
By: Doc Shinryuu  
----------------------------------------  
iPit pat pit pat pit pat/i  
  
It is well known that thieves steal for a variety of reasons...  
  
iPit pat pit pat pit pat/i  
  
...Some steal to survive...  
  
iPit pat pit pat pit pat/i  
  
...Others steal for profit...  
  
iPit pat pit pat pit pat/i  
  
...Others still steal for revenge...  
  
iPit pat pit pat pit pat/i  
  
...But this thief...  
  
iPit pat pit pat pit pat/i  
  
...The one you currently hear running...  
  
iPit pat pit pat pit patiPit pat pit pat pit pat/i  
  
...Because it's fun.  
  
iPit pat pit pat pit pat SLAM/i  
  
--------------------  
  
The door slamming could be heard through much of Lord Bafai's manor, not because it was loud, but because the manor was soundproofed. In this case, soundproofed means that is traps sound in and lets any other sound pass in as well. This was one of the consequences of hiring "master" contractor Bloody Stupid Johnson, but we won't get into that.  
Bafai's guards were running about in the manor in a rush, as though they were looking for something. Considering the soundproofing, the door slamming could've been almost any door in the manor. They searched every room, to no avail. The Lionel Castle Night Watch was questioning Lord Bafai.  
"Do you know what was stolen, Lord Bafai?" asked a particularly tall, red-haired guardsman.  
"Oh, nothing much. Just an heirloom suit of armor and my great-grandfather's sword. Nothing of too much value." Bafai said, as sarcastic as possible.  
"Please, sir. No sarcasm." a rather fat guardsman whispered to Bafai. "I'm afraid Captain Carrot here is a bit... simple."  
"Sorry." Bafai whispered back.  
"Do you have any enemies that might do this to you?"  
"Not to my knowledge."  
"Any clues as to who the thief is?"  
"No, not ye-"  
Suddenly, one of the manor guards burst in. "Lord Bafai! Lord Bafai!"  
"What is it, Reeve? I'm busy." Bafai shouted at the guard.  
"We've found something." Reeve said, waggling a piece of paper in Bafai's direction. "A note, from the thief, but you won't like it..."  
Bafai snatched the note from Reeve's hands and read it over. He dropped the note, a look of complete shock on his face. "No... I-it can't be... He was caught years ago..."  
The note was signed, not with a name, but with a drawn, mischevious grin.  
"Zero's loose..." Bafai muttered with what sense he had left.  
  
--------------------  
  
"SILPHY! WAKE UP!"  
Silphy, Stanley, and Melissa were at the bar again, this time in the town surrounding Lionel Castle. Silphy was dead asleep, resting on Stanley's shoulder.  
"ZzZz- Wha?" Silphy muttered, just waking up. "We gotta job yet?" she was drunk, as usual.  
"No, Silphy, not yet." Stanley said, folding his arms into his robe. "Great. Now we're going to need to mooch off Ramza again."  
"Don't worry, you two." Melissa said, taking a sip of her Sake, "Something will come up."  
"Just like the past week?" Stanley asked, grinning deviously and pushing the sleeping Silphy off of his shoulder.  
"Oh, shut up." Melissa muttered.  
Just at that moment, a group of soldiers burst in. They pinned a piece of parchment on a bulletin board and left as quickly as they came.  
...Unfortunately, they plowed through a few tables along the way.  
"What was THAT all about?" Stanley asked.  
"I have no idea." Melissa responded.  
Melissa and Stanley walked over to the new message, Stanley making sure to loot a few bodies along the way. The note read as follows:  
  
To whome it maye Concerne,  
some objects of Grate value have been stolen frome the manor  
of Lorde Bafai. Those who wishe to Applye, see Captain Carrot  
Ironfoundersson of the Lionel Night Watch.  
-Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson, Lionel Night Watch  
  
"What unparalleled spelling." Melissa muttered, extremely sarcastic.  
"Well, looks like we need to meet this 'Carrot Ironfoundersson,' eh?" Stanley said. With that, the trio left to flag down* a cart, Stanley dragging Silphy behind him.  
  
-----  
* - Or, in Melissa's case, /u down.  
  
--------------------  
  
"What a horrendous ride!"  
Melissa needed to arch her back to get it back in the right place. Stanley wasn't sure he still had a back. Silphy, who sobered up rather quickly, was aching in places she knew about vaguely, but wasn't sure existed until now.  
"What's the price for the ride?" Stanley asked.  
"Fifty gil." the driver said, calmly to an odd degree.  
"WHAT!? The last cart ride we took only cost thirty!" Stanley shouted.  
"Hey, times change, money loses it's value. Pay up."  
"Fine." Stanley said, tossing the money to the driver. As the cart drove off, the trio entered the guard house of the Lionel Night Watch.  
The place was such a wreck, Melissa nearly passed out.  
The floor* was covered with dust. A rather fat man was nursing a metal jug. A tall, red-haired man was sitting at a table, playing cards with what appeared to be a pile of rocks wearing some sort of mechanized helmet. The trio assumed that this was normal, and walked over to the fat man.  
"Excuse m-" Melissa began.  
"Be careful!" the man shouted, leaping to his feet, "This is a jug of highly volatile beer! It could explode at the drop of a hat!"  
Murphy's Law turned and looked, grinning sadistically.  
/i  
The fat man's eyes widened as he stared at the jug, which seemed to be vibrating rather powerfully. The red-haired man flipped the card table toward his opponent and hid behind it. The fat man, Stanley, Silphy, and Melissa quickly followed suit. Just as they ducked behind the table, the jug blew open, drenching the entire room with beer foam. As the spurting fizz died down, the pile of rocks, more commonly known as a troll, said, "Got any... four-ers?"  
  
-----  
* - And everything else, for that matter.  
--------------------  
  
After a goodly amount of towels had been distributed about the room, the inquiry began.  
"So, you're saying a suit of armor and a sword were stolen? That's it?" Silphy asked.  
"Yes, but Bafai seemed to take it all in stride." Carrot said, "However, when he saw this note, he clutched his chest as though he was having a heart attack." He slid a folded piece of paper across the table. Stanley picked it up and unfolded it, laying it out on the table.  
"Yep. That's Zero, alright." he muttered, staring at a drawn grin. The note was rather short:  
  
Lord Bafai!  
I've come to steal your treasure!  
If you wish to reclaim your goods,  
they'll be at my lair behind Zirekile  
Falls! Come, if you dare...  
Â Â  
\|_|_|/  
  
"Revealing his hideout... I'd know his overconfident style anywhere." Stanley continued.  
"You'd know, wouldn't you?" Silphy said, grinning.  
"Hey. I used to be a Thief. A good Thief knows all about his competition."  
"I'm surprised, Stanley." Melissa said, "I hardly believe you were /u a good Thief."  
"Watch it. You wouldn't want a certain dagger stabbing you, now would you?"  
"I don't suppose /u want a certain /u hitting you anywhere?"  
"...Crap." Stanley knew he was beaten, so he changed the subject. "Anyway, getting back on topic, we're going to need a way to get to Zirekile Falls quickly."  
"Well, we can provide a few Chocobos..." Carrot said.  
"What!? After all we've agreed to-" Stanley began.  
"That should do." Melissa interrupted, covering Stanley's mouth.  
  
--------------------  
  
Zirekile Falls was a ways north of Lionel. Nonetheless, the Chocobos made for an easy ride. They easily bounded over boulders, dashed across streams, and rushed through forests. The same, however, can't be said for the riders, who were bounced around, soaked with water, and hit with various branches.  
Eventually; Stanley, Silphy, and Melissa made their way to Zirekile Falls.  
"Gah!" Stanley shouted, "I /u want to blast something into a bloody pulp right now. That ride was worse than the cart!"  
"Please, Stanley." Melissa muttered, "Save it for Zero. It'll be much more useful that way."  
"Good point."  
With that, the trio passed under the waterfall, into an odd cavern. It seemed sculpted in a manmade sort of way. The primary tip-off was the fact that the top half narrowed as one went deeper into the cave as the bottom half widened. There were torches on the walls at regular intervals. Strangely enough, the torches were in holes in the walls that were just deep enough to render them completely ineffective. There was an inscription below one of the torch-holes, reading "B. S. Johnson & Co., Contractors for hire." Eventually, the hall came to a door. It was not only unlocked, but slightly open as well. As Silphy went to open it, Stanley stopped her.  
"Wait, Silphy." Stanley pushed Silphy and Melissa back to a wall. He pulled the door open with his rod.  
/b  
A blast of fire erupted from behind the door. Silphy and Melissa looked at Stanley.  
"See? I told you I knew about thieving." Stanley said smugly, "A good thief traps EVERY door, no matter how unused it is."  
Silphy started toward the door again and Stanley stopped her. "Wait for it..."  
There was a quiet /i, followed by five arrows.  
"/u we can go."  
After a few more of these doors, the trio came to a large, circular chamber. At it's center was a patch of grass. As they entered, the door slammed sut behind them. They turned to the door and Silphy tried to open it.  
"Locked, right?" Stanley asked.  
"Yep." Silphy muttered.  
"That's right, fools! You're trapped!"  
Stanley, Silphy, and Melissa turned toward their mystery stater-of-the-obvious. There was a man standing in the center of the room. He was wearing a green, turban-esque hat with a rather huge, white feather. He was also wearing a green, short-sleeved jacket with a white undershirt and off-white knickers. Matching most of his other clothing was a green cloak. His leather boots were slightly grass-stained, probably from the grass he was standing on.  
"You're all doomed! You've entered the lair of the GREAT..."  
He took hold of his cloak.  
"THIEF..."  
He flung his cloak off.  
"ZEROOOOOOOOoooooo..."  
He began to gasp for breath.  
"Listen, Zer-" Stanley began.  
"-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Zero interrupted.  
There was a brief silence.  
"Are you done?" Stanley asked.  
"I suppose, if you really must ask."  
"Anyway, Just give us Bafai's stuff." Stanley re-began. "We REALLY want to hurt you, but we can resist the temptation until we get Bafai's stuff back." Stanley took out his staff and dagger.  
Melissa and Silphy followed suit with their weapons.  
"An interesting proposition, indeed." Zero said. "However, you won't be able to attack me, if you're pinned to the ground, now will you?" a faint glow arose from the grass beneath Zero's feet. "HELL IVY!"  
Suddenly, clusters of vines grew and entangled Stanley, Silphy and Melissa. Their weapons were lost in the ensnaring vines.  
"Well, well. Look who has the advantage /u." Zero said, walking toward the trio.  
"You just LOVE the sound of your own voice, don't you?" Silphy asked, spite adding an edge to her words.  
"Oh, my. I'm so hurt." Zero said, his voice ringing with sarcasm. "You're rebellious; you shall be killed." Zero walked over to Stanley. "You seem corruptable; you may be useful." Zero finally came to Melissa. "And YOU. You, my pure flower, my beautiful ray of light; you shall be of a /u use." Zero chuckled as he whispered something in Melissa's ear. Her eyes widened after a moment.  
"Huh, boy." Stanley said, "Here comes the waterfall."  
Good /b, was Stanley wrong!  
Melissa's look of bewilderment slowly contorted into a grimace of pure, unrestricted rage. The vines around her began to explode into clouds of plant matter. The +42 Paper Folding Fan of Grievous Bodily Harm flew to the hand of it's owner. Melissa shook off the vines and walked toward the rather surprised Zero.  
"N-now, wait a minute. Let's talk this over." he said, bargaining for his very life.  
Stanley and Silphy turned their heads to avoid seeing what was guaranteed to come next*. When they looked again, Melissa was releasing them from their viney prisons.  
"Wow. Not bad, Melissa!" Silphy said.  
"I didn't know you had it in ya!" Stanley said, retrieving his weapons.  
"I can't see why it's so surprising." Melissa said, "I just said to myself, 'SCREW the White Mage's Oath. This guy needs some /u pain.'"  
There was a small tinkling noise near the door. A note had somehow attached itself to the door, which was mysteriously unlocked:  
  
Congratulations, fools!  
You have merely managed  
to defeat one of my lazy  
stooges! Next time, you  
won't be so lucky!  
Â Â  
\|_|_|/  
  
-----  
* - They still heard the screams of agony, though.  
--------------------  
  
After the ordeal, the trio wound up back at the Night Watch HQ. Bafai was thanking them while the Lionel Night Watch investigated the fully disarmed cavern behind Zirekile Falls.  
"Thank you SO much! You don't know how much this means to me!" Bafai said, nearly weeping openly.  
"Perhaps you could give us some sort of /u value?" Stanley asked.  
"Well, I suppose I can give you this." Bafai said, taking a book out from deep in the recesses of his robe.  
"What's this?" Silphy asked, taking the book and flipping through it.  
"It's the diary of my great-grandfather, Nanai. He was a great warrior, in his time."  
"Just a book? Just a frickin' BOOK?" Stanley yelled at Bafai.  
Bafai left them with an enigmatic statement. "You never know what knowledge the experiences of others may give you."  
A moment of quiet contemplation...  
Stanley broke the silence. "Ah, well To the pawn shop we go, eh?" Stanley and Melissa went out to flag down a cart, Silphy trailing behind. As Silphy flipped through the tattered parchment of Nanai's diary, she found an old crystal pendant. There seemed to be some odd carvings on one side of it. Silphy looked a bit closer at them and sa-  
"Silphy, hurry up!"  
Silphy snapped out of her trance. "Coming, Stanley!" she shouted, running out and putting the pendant in a pocket.  
  
--------------------  
  
Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson, Corporal Nobbs, Acting-Constable Detritus, the Night Watch, and all other related characters/locations Copyright of Terry Pratchett.  
Phantom Thief Zero, Lionel Castle, Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy Tactics, And all related characters/locations Copyright of Squaresoft.  
Stanley, Silphy, Melissa, and The +42 Paper Folding Fan of Grievous Bodily Harm Intellectual Property of Will Kusleika(don't bother pronouncing that). Any use without permission will invoke Prosecution and/or Flaming.  
Special Thanks to Weiila for her support, Kenji Kotaro for his Proposition List, and deviantART(www.deviantart.com) for being such a great art community.  
For updates and inside info, among other things, go to DocShinryuu.deviantart.com!  
  
Next episode: Deep in Sweegy Woods, or(for all you Yu-Gi-Oh fans) Swords for Hire of Revealing Light! 


	7. A New World, With New Heroes

Well, guess what, people. I'm afraid Swords For Hire is going to be put on hiatus for a while.  
  
Now, before you all panic and explode, I'd like it to be known that I'm starting up something else...  
  
I present, a spinoff of Swords For Hire...  
  
Swords For Hire  
  
Enjoy! ...I hope... 


End file.
